she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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