I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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