I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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