Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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