I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My bed smells like the plague
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
