just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
