have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
