he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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