We won't sleep together?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
