And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
