been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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