Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
