we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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