dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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