About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize