Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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