Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we're making bets on your personal life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
