Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
