how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
