I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize