I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize