apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
