Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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