The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
