Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
