It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize