you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
