check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize