that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
