I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
