And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
