We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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