I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so let's talk penis.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
