So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
