I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
