while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
