I showed him my bush... on skype.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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