I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
