Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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