Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize