I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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