I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
