so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize