Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
