at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
