I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
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