Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
