I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
