So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
