Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
