Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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