Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
