You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
