woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
