somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
