one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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