Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
