So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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