you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
