Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
