I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
