Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
