it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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