All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
