I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
