The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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