Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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