Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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