genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
