I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize