Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Randomize